Denied

“A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said.” (Mark 1:40) NLT.

As I read this verse a few weeks ago, something struck me. Here the leper asks Jesus to make him clean, but only if He wants to. The following verse tells us that Jesus is willing, so He reaches out His hand touches and heals the man. The Leper is overflowing with joy. He then spreads the word about the great and mighty work that Jesus had done and he’s possibly praising God because of it. But Jesus only healed the man because He was willing to do so. What if the leper asked Jesus to heal him and He said no?

This is a reality I am faced with daily. Born with a disability I find myself echoing the words of the leper. “Jesus, I know that you can heal me, so please take this disability away.” In the face of my plea I wake up each morning with the Lord denying my request; and living life the same as yesterday. Limited in my physical abilities and having to navigate my daily functions with an unwanted challange.

I take comfort knowing that I don’t face this alone. Scripture calms my mood when God refuses to heal my legs; especially these words from the apostle Paul: “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. ” Here, Paul confesses to having a thorn embedded in his flesh. Not wanting to deal with this ailment, he too gives voice to the plea of the leper. “Jesus, if you are willing you can make me clean.” Yet Jesus withholds His healing touch. The leper praised God and spread the news of his healing, but Paul’s testimony tells a different story.

In 2 Corinthians 12:8, Paul tells us that he cried out to God, pleading three times to make his life easier by removing the thorn from his side. The Lord hears his cry and responds by saying no. Paul doesn’t need to be healed. As the thorn remains, God is shown to be bigger then healings and miracles. By keeping the thorn in his flesh, anything Paul does to advance God’s Kingdom is merely God’s Holy Spirit using Paul’s weakness to His advantage.

In his first letter to the Corinthians Paul wrote:

“…God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.”

Yet in his next letter to the Corinthian church, Paul is boasting about his weaknesses. This is an act of God’s grace. The fact that people are praising God in lieu of Paul’s weaknesses gives testimony to God’s power. No one can say that they are the only reason Paul’s ministry is thriving. Paul’s weakness is so debilitating that the ministry would suffer if he didn’t depend on God to give him his daily needs. This is why he boasts in his weaknesses. For when he is weak, God is strong. Without the thorn, Paul would rely on his own strength to see the ministry to survive. Giving him this thorn keeps Paul humbled. By solely relying on God’s strength, He gets all the credit. When someone praises Paul for his success in ministry, all the apostle can do is thank God for being an instrument of God’s grace.

Every day I wake up and realize that God denied my request to walk on my own. Consequently I’m forced to answer this question: what benefit does today’s challenge bring me? Most often the answer is humility and encouragement to those around me. When people see what I go through in a day they are humbled. Putting on socks is an example of little things that most people take for granted. Because of my disability I struggle with this task. Four or five attempts later, those socks are warming my toes. When people watch me do it with a smile, they are blown away. I’m not frustrated or beating myself up because I can’t do it or is so hard. It puts them in a place of humility.

In this example, all I’m doing is putting on a pair of socks. But some people see God in what I do. People see me struggle yet I’m not depressed or getting sad about it. I have joy! I’ve been told on countless occasions people are inspired by the joy in my heart and the smile on my face. Jesus gave me that smile. As I wake each morning, I receive the grace I need to face my challenges head on. Bringing glory to God in the midst of my weakness; praising God for His grace that is sufficient.

Earlier I shared about answering the question: what benefit does today’s challenge bring me? Think about some of your own challenges for a moment. What might some of them be? How might this approach to the challenges you face change your attitude about it? How does it help you see God in the situation?

Trying

I'm not a perfect girl. My hair doesn’t always stay in place I spill things a lot. My friends & I sometimes fight. I sometimes have a broken heart. But when I take a step back I realize how truly amazing life is & through it all God still loves me ♥

My friend Crystal has this posted on her Facebook page, and I love it to bits – no pun intended. It makes me laugh a bit. But it’s also true of life in general. If I had a chance to re-write it for myself this is what it might say:

My mouth gets me into trouble a lot. I speak before I think. Sometimes this happens in unhealthy doses. It rubs people the wrong way and I find myself in hot water. I make mistakes. Sometimes I do what I think is best and end up regretting it a moment later. I Find myself in vulnerable situations asking the question: how is me being here a good thing? All these lead me to a place of prayer. Knowing that I’ve made a mistake I find myself pleading for God to turn things around and make those mistakes into tent pegs that would expand His kingdom.

You might be reading this and wonder why I ask this of God. Like the apostle Paul, I believe that God can turn things around. In Ephesians 3:20, Paul writes that God can do an infinite amount of things to bring about his glory in a situation. The ways in which God does this is so mind boggling, words don’t do it justice. We are left staring blankly like a deer caught in the headlights. Our jaw hits the ground and our tongues roll out as this work unfolds. Humbled, the only words we can muster as a response is WOW! If not that, then some other form of incoherent mumbling finds its way past our lips.

If we believe God can do immeasurably more then we can ask or imagine, why not ask him to do so?

If you were to re-write something like that about yourself, what might it say? Would it sound something like this:

Counting The Cost Pays Dividends

A number of weeks ago, I was watching a program called Rock Star Wives. In it they interview the wives of rock stars and ask them about how they handle being the “other half” (and in some cases the better half ha ha) of a music superstar. Included in the list of rock families is Twisted Sister’s lead singer Dee Snider and his wife Suzette. Approaching 35 years of marriage, they were asked if Dee ever cheated on his wife while touring with the band. Candid in his response, Snider admitted he’s never shared his bed with another woman. When asked about the driving force behind his commitment, he simply shared that he considered the cost. Fifteen minutes of pleasure is not worth the pain that comes with divorce and separation.

In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus speaks of counting the cost. Luke 14 says “…who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there is enough money to finish it? Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money, and then everyone would laugh at you.” I wonder if this is why many of us fall short of God’s glory. Romans 3:23 says we fall short because each of us has sinned. But that’s not necessarily what I’m talking about. I get that we are all guilty of sin and thus need the grace and mercy of Jesus so we may approach God uninhibited and without shame. I’m referring to those who have already realized they need Jesus and asked him to be Lord of their life cleansing them of the sin and wrongdoing that God frowns upon.

The Christian life has ups and downs. There are many benefits to living the Christian life, but there are also times of struggle. Galatians 5 encourages us to live lives guided by the Holy Spirit. But it also tells us that our body craves the exact opposite. Nonetheless, it is here that the Apostle Paul encourages us to live pure and holy lives. But that’s easier said then done. I find there are things I deal with on a daily basis, which I am continually seeking God’s help with. When I don’t, I fall short and find myself at the foot of the cross asking Jesus to take away my shame.

However, there are times I feel overwhelmed with temptation and I do consider the cost. Doing so helps. It builds my stamina against those “other cravings”. Sometimes I pray through it. Other times I find myself singing an old fashioned hymn. Listening to a sermon, enlisting prayer support from friends, or even delving into one of my devotionals are any number of ways I push through it and come out the other side with my head held high. Don’t forget to count the cost because fifteen minutes of pleasure isn’t worth the lifetime of pain.

What’s Your M.V.P: Your Most Valuable Possession?

Last week was the release of James Cameron’s newest box office hit Avatar: The Extended Edition. In preparation for the event, my church decided to have a movie night dedicated to the film. We would watch the movie then have a discussion based on some of the biblical themes drawn from the film. The film itself is stunning with special effects and graphics that had me struggling to keep my chin off the floor the first time I saw it. Aside from the special effects, one of the central themes to the movie is the story of Sam Worthington’s character, Jake Sully.

One of the first things we learn about Jake is that he’s a paralytic marine. But Jake’s paralysis doesn’t disqualify him from active duty. His heart and determination are displayed by his desire to keep pace with his fellow marines, despite his lack of mobility.

Shortly after his arrival to the army base, Jake learns his paralysis may only be a temporary thing. In a private meeting with his commander, the resilient soldier learns he could undergo a procedure to regain the use of his legs. All Jake has to do is obey the Colonel’s orders, and in return the Colonel will pull the strings to make sure Jake receives full use of his legs once again.

This proves to be a source of struggle for Jake once he starts using his Avatar body. Introduced to the Na’vi people as a fellow warrior, Jake learns how the Na’vi people live. Throughout the movie, we see him learning essential skills like how to hunt and kill his prey. He becomes a skilled archer, learns how to mount a horse and tame a wild Pterodactyl-like creature. On this learning curve, Jake learns about Eywa – The deity and life source for all things on Pandora. Eywa is the one thing from which all living things originated; and the ultimate goal of the Na’vi is to become one with Eywa. Increasingly attuned to the life of the Na’vi, Jake is strangely attracted to this harmonious lifestyle. He soon finds himself torn between the Colonel’s promise and becoming one with Eywa. This resonates with the apostle Paul.

Before meeting Jesus, Paul was one of the Pharisees; a religious group in the New Testament that meticulously followed all of the Jewish laws in addition to a series of their own laws. Because he was a Pharisee, Paul took great pride in the things that made him a Pharisee. Things like being circumcised as a child. Having been born with a lineage that traces back to the Tribe of Benjamin gave him s sense of entitlement that others did not have. And in Phil 3:6 he says he was the strictest Pharisee ever known. That is, until he met Christ. After his encounter with Jesus (see Acts 9:1-19), he writes in Philippians 3:8 that all he once held dear is now considered worthless. Nothing can compare to knowing Christ. Now, Paul’s top priority is seeking unity with the father and becoming one with Christ.

In the beginning of Avatar we learn Jake longs to regain the use of his legs. As the movie progresses, we see that Jake desires change. Like the apostle Paul, Jake now craves the life he lives on Pandora and yearns to become one with Eywa. Consequently Jake begins to question the true value and worth of his mobility.

I’m not going to spoil the movie for you by telling you how it ends. But I wonder how many of us are like Paul, hanging on to something we ought to give up. How many of us have an MVP; a Most Valuable Possession? Paul’s Most Valuable Possession was his identity. These are things that made him a Jew; his circumcision, his heritage and reputation as the most devout Pharisee around. When he met Jesus, Paul was told to give it all up and follow Christ; to become one with Christ and seek unity with the Heavenly Father.

Are we any different? How many of us have MVP’s? What might be an example of a most valuable possession today? Think about your own life. Is there something you consider to be an MVP? If someone asked you to give it up, could you? Would you?

Naturally Enhancing The Body's Performance?

A number of months ago I was struggling with how I best enhance the ministry of the church. 1 Corinthians 12 talks about the church being like a human body. The human body has many parts to it. Each has a primary responsibility or task that is uniquely separate from every other individual part. Yet they serve an overarching purpose and without that individual function, the body’s entire function/purpose would be in jeopardy. The apostle Paul relates this to the ministry of the church.

He says there are certain things needed in the church in order for it to function properly. Such things include apostles, teachers, leaders, helpers and the list goes on. I personally believe everyone can be used for ministry. Part of the Christian life is figuring out where you fit in the Body of Christ. How your gifts, talents, and abilities enhance the ministry of the church and enlarge the Kingdom of God.

During this time I invited a pastor friend over for a coffee visit. One of the things he suggested was that my mission is to serve those of the disability/special needs community. This was a natural place of ministry for me. I had an “in” that he didn’t. I am a special needs individual. I am one of them. This gives me a voice that others don’t have. As an able bodied person, whenever he talks to someone that uses a wheelchair, crutches, a walker, etc, etc, it just goes in one ear and out the other. The pastor furthered his point by saying this is because an able bodied person doesn’t understand what it’s like to live with disability.

I wonder if this attitude is reflected in the psalms. For example, check out psalm 73:

Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills. Psalm 73:1-6 NIV

I also wonder if that’s what Paul meant when he wrote:

Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the Jews to Christ. When I was with those who follow the Jewish law, I too lived under that law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law, I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ. When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. 1 Corinthians 9:19-22 NLT

What about you? What do you think about this?

Chains of Glory

My best friend and I are living proof that opposites attract. He’s tall, I’m short. He’s skinny and I’m not. He’s quick and impatient but I’m slow and take my time. Our differences couldn’t have been more obvious then this past weekend. We spent an afternoon together hanging out in his basement suite. Around dinner time he suggested we head to a nearby burger joint to satisfy our hunger. He told me it was within walking distance and would only take a few minutes to get there. So I grabbed my crutches and away we went. A block and a half into our journey, I’m sweating up a storm but going as fast as I can. My best friend is resting half a block away waiting for me to catch up.

What was a 5 minute walk for my friend ended up taking about a half hour! The walk was quite a challenge for me and when I got there I was dehydrated and in desperate need of a drink. In a few days I was scheduled to do a 10KM road race so I treated the walk as training for the upcoming event. It wasn’t until our journey back that my friend starts to realize just how challenging this trek for burgers is for me.

It starts settling in that he has a much easier time getting around then his little friend on crutches. After seeing the workout I’m getting from a proverbial “run to the store,” he starts running on the spot. By doing this, he figures he can get the same effect I am. That day he had a lesson in humility and a lot more to be thankful for when he went to bed.

When people first see that I have a disability, they have an automatic inclination to find out what happened. I usually tell people I was born with a disability and wouldn’t have it any other way. Life with disability is all I know. Unlike someone who ends up paralyzed after birth, I have nothing to compare it too so I don’t wake up wishing I could walk again.

Viewing a disability as good is not a universal stance. Being in a wheelchair 24 hours a day is a source of pain for many. I once met a girl in a wheelchair who wants to be a scientist so she can find a cure for her disability. Doing so will free her from the prison that is her disability. Even though I consider it a joy to be in a wheelchair, there are some days I agree. Because of my disability, I am in prison. During those times, I’ve found comfort from the apostle Paul:

Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly. Philippians 1:12-14 NIV

Paul writes this while he is in prison awaiting trial in Rome. “He had been allowed to arrange private lodging for himself; but night and day in that private lodging there was a soldier to guard him…” some in the church might view his imprisonment as a bad thing, so he writes this to let them know exactly the opposite has happened. Whenever Paul had a visitor, he would preach to them about Christ. Because a guard had to be with him at all times, it meant the guard’s duty was to watch and, consequently, listen to everything Paul was saying. This happened on and off over a two year period. During that time it became abundantly clear to everyone that Paul had a relationship with Christ. In Paul’s eyes this was how the Lord was advancing the gospel.

Paul’s prison term had another advantage. “…because of Paul's imprisonment in Rome many people had heard the gospel who would not otherwise have heard it.” Acts 28:17-30 tells us who these people are. Unbelieving Jews and Gentiles were among those Paul preached to. Other Christians were also encouraged by Paul’s boldness in sharing his testimony. This is how Paul can praise God for such dark circumstances.

I am no stranger to being an encouragement to people. One time it happened while I was at a conference in a local church. Sessions were held all over the place. Some were in the basement while others were held atop numerous flights of stairs. Stairs are not an issue for me, so I was a trooper and climbed them as necessary. At the beginning of the second day, I ended up chatting with a gentleman who attended the conference while staying at a homeless shelter. He told me he was hesitant in coming the night before; until he seen me going up and down those stairs on crutches still smiling. He went home that night and thought about what he’d seen. Considering the joy in the midst of the struggles I had, he decided to return for the rest of the conference hearing the Gospel of Christ he might otherwise have not been exposed too.

In 2 Corinthians 12, we learn that Gods power is made perfect in weakness. In sharing his weakness with the Corinthians (2 Cor. 12:7-10), Paul tells them having the weakness keeps him humble. Any good that he accomplishes doesn’t come from any merit of his own. It is God being gracious to him and using him in the moment. Sometimes God does that with us.

He gives us a weakness to keep us humble. Anytime people see something good come out of it, we are shocked. How such good can come out of our seemingly dark circumstances? It is because God is using us in ways that at the end of the night when our head hits the pillow all we can say is “praise God!”

What are your weaknesses? How might God be using them to open doors to share what Christ is doing in your life?

Fug-ge-da-bo-dit

In his letter to the church at Philippi the Apostle Paul writes:

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus

Philippians 3:12-14

One thing that strikes me is what Paul’s realness in this confession. Paul “gets” something and strives toward one thing I often fall short of. Forgetting the past and moving on! I never claim to be a Curt Henning (that’s Mr. Perfect for those non wrestling fans out there.), I often will be the first one to admit that I have faults and screw up on things from time to time – you just don’t hear about them. I have a hard time forgetting about them.

Probably one of the hardest things to do after one stumbles in their relationship with God is to get back on the horse. Pick yourself up out of the muck and mire you’ve gotten yourself into, and keep on trucking. Sometimes this is easy for me to do. But there are other times I wallow for a day or two, throw myself a pity party and just sulk. It’s not that I don’t know that once God forgives me, my dirty past is now water under the bridge. It’s just one of those times I wish we had no memory.

With that said, I’m left wondering a few things. Why is it so hard to ask God to forgive you, then as a New Yorker might say – Fug-ge-da-bo-dit? Sunday afternoon, I attended an H2O session at Erik and Bonnie’s place. During the session Kyle, the guy on the video, mentioned how the church is supposed to be like a stream of clean water. Everyone is invited to come and drink from this stream. But because of its marred past, this pure stream has become polluted. I wonder if our ability to Fug-ge-da-bo-dit and keep on going, adds to the bad rep the church has built up over the years.

Thoughts comments or suggestions anyone?

Trusting Words From The Apostle Paul

Last night I heard an interesting quote regarding the life of the apostle Paul.

The resource that was the apostle Paul to the church was massive. And God gifts him and makes him into this person who is an apostle and a teacher and a preacher and the church gets established through those gifts. And yet those gifts because they get exhausted for Jesus lead him to prison.

He went on to talk about the trust Paul had put in Christ. The profound thing about the life of Paul was that amount of trust he put in his savior. Carrying the message of the Gospel, afforded him many scars as Paul’s mission took him before abusers and persecutors on numerous occasions (see 2 Cor 11:24-28). No matter how bad things got, Paul had this reassurance that everything was going to be alright. I would suggest maybe that’s why Paul was able to say

“I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me.” (Philippians 1:20-22)

Sometimer's

This week has been a challenging week for me. I experienced a desire to be selfish. To do what I want while throwing all caution to the wind not caring about the consequences or ramifications of my actions. There were times I struggled to do what pleases God, but there’s an odd thing about these selfish desires … I felt a pull toward them like a magnet to a chalk board. I don’t know why I act that way but I’m sure the foursome of Skillet feels the same way as they write:

Sometimes I don't try

To make you happy

I don't know why I do the things I do to you but

Sometimes I don't wanna be better

Sometimes I can't be put back together

Sometimes I find it hard to believe

There's someone else who could be

Just as messed up as me

Sometimes I can't hide

The demons that I face

Sometimes don't deny

I'm sometimes sinner sometimes saint

Sometimes I don't wanna be better

Sometimes I can't be put back together

Sometimes I find it hard to believe

There's someone else who could be

Just as messed up as me

I find comfort in the confession of the Apostle Paul as he shares his struggles to remain a committed Christian, the struggles of the Israeli’s in Judges and 1 & 2 Kings, for it means I'm not the sole person wrestling with this. Still I struggle with why there’s this tug toward sin. I mean the bible says that Christ overcomes the power of sin doesn’t it? I suppose next time I’m tempted to “go astray” I could take Jesus advice to Peter and pray. I have a problem with that though. It’s easier said then done! My heart races, I feel a sense of pressure, and an intense weight sometimes falls on my shoulders. My mind goes topsy turvy and I go back and forth with thoughts of:

*** I could give in to my urges because {insert reason here}, but I really shouldn't because {insert opposing reason here} ***

Am I on to something here, or am I up Schmidt creek without a paddle? MEH! Whatever! I don’t know what I’m saying… It’s late, and I think I really should head to bed before I spin circles around my own thoughts? *** thinks to himself*** "hey! Is that a RAT?

AAAAHHH!!!!!! Rats drive me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once there were rats there. Rats drive me crazy! Crazy? I was crazy once there were rats there. Rats drive me crazy! Crazy? Ooops I think its too late for that lol! good night yall!

leading with a limp

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

In a recent sermon by Chuck Swindoll, he shares one of the benefits about walking in the light. Walking in the light is not being afraid to let the truth of your struggles be known. Admitting your life has parts of failure and that you sometimes need help is a benefit of walking with the savior. If you take note of the people Jesus interacted with during his 3 years of ministry, you'll notice that he helped nearly everyone who asked it of him. This is because those who had needs and weaknesses drew attention to it.

They did so not by keeping it under wraps treating their need as a "cloak and dagger issue." instead they brought it out in to the open for all to see. Having one's weakness, ailment, or shortcoming unveiled in the presence of their Yeshua gave them a sense of hope! "Healing will come," they cry. "Surely my insecurities will not be a burden in the presence of the Savior!"

They proclaim with shouts of joy, "If anyone can make good of my dark past, surely it is Jesus the chosen one of Israel!" for He is the light of the world. Whoever follows Him will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

This makes me think of my own journey with the Lord; as one who has obvious weaknesses and limitations in my own abilities. Why run from it? Why not embrace it and boast about it? The Apostle Paul did and God blessed him for it.

I'm curioous what you guys think... Am I on to something? Or am I blowing smoke up my own pipe?