Does Forgiveness Mean Lack of Control?

I heard a story recently about a woman named Charlotte. At the age of 6, her parents followed their cultural norm and pre-arranged her marriage. By age 19 the date was set. A week before her big day, everything was set to go. Charlotte had her dress picked out, the bridesmaids were all flown in, and both the stag and stagette parties were had. The only preparation left were the wedding rehearsals. This would be the first time Charlotte would meet her husband, Dennis.

Her first impression of Dennis was quite pleasing. He seems like decent guy. Holding down a job as an engineer in the petroleum business, Charlotte feels at ease knowing that money will be a less likely concern. Watching Dennis mix and mingle around the room Charlotte notices his people skills are top notch. She imagines her and her husband greeting guests into their home at one of their many dinner parties as part of their married life together. As the two sit down at the dinner table they hold hands for the first time. Charlotte eagerly kisses Dennis on the cheek in front of those at the rehearsal. Dennis accepts the kiss with a smile on his face and a twinkle in the eye. She rests that night knowing things will be alright; that she can trust this man whom she just met to love and cherish her all of her days.

It’s now 11:45PM. Dennis and Charlotte have confessed their love for each other sited their vows, and been blessed by a priest in front of 250 friends and family in attendance at the wedding; and are now in the back of a Lincoln town car en route to their hotel for the night. As soon as the two were alone Charlotte was caught by surprise when Dennis raped her before the day had ended. Sadly, this was just the beginning of 10 years of abuse for Charlotte. Daily the beatings would continue. When Charlotte appealed to family for help, Dennis would turn the argument back on to her. Calling her mentally unstable, Dennis would manipulate Charlotte’s parents to make them think she needed psychiatric treatment. Then one day Charlotte found refuge in an unlikely hero.

One day Dennis decided to beat Charlotte after their three children went to bed. Their eldest son Mason had grown accustomed to hearing his parents shout and fight as they tried to sleep. But this time was different. Mason’s third grade teacher Mrs. Swanson had a special visitor do a presentation to her class during Safety Week at school. Mrs. Swanson brought in Constable Hudson from the local police department to teach the children all about how the police keep people safe. During his presentation, Constable Hudson told them about 911. Mason and his classmates learned about the people who work at 911 and how they are trained to help people in trouble. Hearing his mom crying, Mason used the phone in his parents room to call 911. When 911 answered, Mason listened to the gentleman on the phone as he told him how to keep his brother and sister safe and that help was on the way. The police showed up minutes later and took Dennis away to jail.

Charlotte saw this time as a chance for freedom and sought new life on a different continent with her three children. Now a quartet of Christians, Charlotte and her family enjoy life on the Canadian prairies. Still in touch with her family back home, Charlotte learns that Dennis’ life hangs in the balance as he suffers a coma during a riot in prison. While praying for his safety, she is led to scriptures that speak of forgiveness. Confused, she ignores the scriptures and continues to pray for Dennis’ life. Soon it becomes abundantly clear of God’s asking Charlotte to forgive Dennis of all the abuse he’s given her during their marriage. Charlotte decides on forgiving her husband and makes plans to visit her homeland.

During a vacation back home, she visits Dennis in the hospital. When the two are alone, she contemplates pulling the plug and taking Dennis’ life in return for her years of abuse. Then she quickly remembers why she came – to forgive Dennis for all the abuse Charlotte incurred over the years. In between the beeping and hissing of the machines that keep Dennis alive, Charlotte talks to Dennis for nearly 45 minutes about all the pain and the hurt he is responsible for. Before the conversation ends, Charlotte is able to utter words of forgiveness.

As she leaves the hospital a new sense of freedom encompasses her. Now she can let go of the past and focus on the future without fearing the abusive Dennis will find her, her children and abuse them again. The five years since charlotte and the kids left, charlotte was living in fear that Dennis would go looking for them with nothing but vengeance on his mind. Even though they were continents apart, Charlotte’s fear of Dennis controlled her. But because she was able to forgive Dennis from 10 years of abuse Charlotte no longer has to cower in fear or frantically look over her shoulder at men who even look like Dennis. Because of forgiveness Charlotte is now free from any grip Dennis still had on her and her children five years after the fact.

Maybe this is one reason why God asks us to practice forgiveness. Without it, our abusers – those who have done wrong to us – have some element of control in our lives for years and even decades after the incidences. By forgiving our abusers we release them of that control and we walk in freedom in more was then one. Not only are we free of any reoccurrences, but we no longer walk in fear. Cowering at the mere site of our abuser is not a posture we need to assume because it is gone and perhaps long forgotten. The only action we have from the point of forgiveness is rebuilding the bridge that was once burned. Rebuilding that bridge isn’t always mandatory, but it is an option one could take. I believe God will honor whatever action we take regarding that burned bridge. If we choose to rebuild it and make amends, the Lord will help us. If we choose otherwise, God will respect our decision and continue to direct those involved down different paths.

HHHHHMMMMM.................

Busy Busy Busy

Hey everyone! I know it’s been over a month since I’ve blogged but I have been rather busy this last month.
I attended The Outpouring back in April, and during a “catch up conversation” with my good friend Dallas, he asked about the progress of my book. Telling him I have 1 more devotional to write then I can work on getting it published, he offered to host a book release party for me this fathers day weekend.

Almost immediately after hearing the news about the book release I hit the pavement hard and threw as much energy as I could into having a printed copy in hand in about 2 weeks from now. When the final devotional was finished, I immediately began editing my work. On a side note I HATE editing stuff. Doing so was more tedious then I’m used too, and was way more time consuming then I thought. But doing so turned out to be a good thing as I was able to come up with a title and introduction to the book. I then contacted the Business Development Centre in Ontario regarding the copyright for my book. The money they charged me was nearly unaffordable. But God was good at providing the funds to do so. After a night of praying how I would afford the $160 to get the copyright registered, someone donated the money to me. I now have a silent partner in my venture. Yay for them coming into my life and blessing me with this opportunity.

My book was originally going to be solely an Ebook, but after speaking with a number of people requesting an ACTUAL book – one that they can hold flip pages of and keep on a shelf – it became quite clear that I should look into binding options. My initial meeting with a printing agency didn’t fare too well. They asked me a whole bunch of questions I wasn’t really prepared for. The sales staff hit me with all kinds of questions. I had to choose the kind of paper, its thickness, size, and texture, the font style, etc etc. Whether I wanted a hard or soft cover.

They had various types of binding and a whole list of questions regarding that too. In the end, they did have some books on display that I liked but they couldn’t do it on site. They had a book on demand service they referred me to that can give me a book for a cost of $3-5 each.

Next I had to think of a cover page. I had a few ideas that I initially thought were great but had to scrap. Once I decided on a suitable graphic, I decided the best way to do it would be to design it myself by gathering up the items that would be on the front cover and take a photo. Then I could tinker around with it using Photoshop until I had what I wanted. Amidst preparing to work on the cover page, I ran into an old friend who has a photography studio. I told him what I was doing, and he volunteered to do the cover page photo for me. I was like Praise God because I’m flying by the seat of my pants here.

Then I heard that a publishing company in Winnipeg called Word Alive Press is currently running its annual publishing contest for Christian Authors. The winners get a pretty sweet publishing deal for free. Shortly before this I had been praying about how to get my books onto the bookshelves of stores like Blessings, Chapters and Scott's Parable up near Red Deer Alberta. About this time God had also been teaching me about stepping outside of our comfort zones and the benefits of taking risks. So I decided to postpone my book release party and put everything else on hold to enter this contest. Up until last week I have been running around trying to get things done for my book and/or this publishing contest. I find out in august if I win. But if I don’t, I’ll just pick up where I left off.

Things are finally starting to slow down for me as I’m in the waiting period regarding this contest and I’m glad they have slowed. I’m not quite sure how much longer I could have gone on like that. I also threw my name in the hat to be a bible teacher at a bible camp this July through Rehoboth Christian Ministries. I haven’t heard back from them yet but if you don’t see many posts here in July that may be why. That’s all I wanted to share for now so until next time, be blessed!

Michael Ignatief & The Canadian Liberals

In 2 weeks today Canadians head to their voting stations as we once again decide on who serves another term in office in a federal election. To inject a bit of humor amid the political bantering, I decided to share an email I got regarding Michael Ignatief’s leadership of the Canadian Liberal Party*. I hope you enjoy.

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While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to "Michael Ignatief" and how he got to be the leader of the Liberals.

The old farmer said, "Well, ya know, Ignatief is just a Post Turtle."

Now not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked, What's a "Post Turtle?"

The old farmer said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a Turtle balanced on top, that's a Post Turtle."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain,

"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he sure as hell isn't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of dumb bastard put him there in the first place."

*please note that this is not an endorsement for and/or by any political party whatsoever, its just a bit of fun as I make up my own mind on who to vote for. Be blessed, Tim Bitz

Denied

“A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said.” (Mark 1:40) NLT.

As I read this verse a few weeks ago, something struck me. Here the leper asks Jesus to make him clean, but only if He wants to. The following verse tells us that Jesus is willing, so He reaches out His hand touches and heals the man. The Leper is overflowing with joy. He then spreads the word about the great and mighty work that Jesus had done and he’s possibly praising God because of it. But Jesus only healed the man because He was willing to do so. What if the leper asked Jesus to heal him and He said no?

This is a reality I am faced with daily. Born with a disability I find myself echoing the words of the leper. “Jesus, I know that you can heal me, so please take this disability away.” In the face of my plea I wake up each morning with the Lord denying my request; and living life the same as yesterday. Limited in my physical abilities and having to navigate my daily functions with an unwanted challange.

I take comfort knowing that I don’t face this alone. Scripture calms my mood when God refuses to heal my legs; especially these words from the apostle Paul: “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. ” Here, Paul confesses to having a thorn embedded in his flesh. Not wanting to deal with this ailment, he too gives voice to the plea of the leper. “Jesus, if you are willing you can make me clean.” Yet Jesus withholds His healing touch. The leper praised God and spread the news of his healing, but Paul’s testimony tells a different story.

In 2 Corinthians 12:8, Paul tells us that he cried out to God, pleading three times to make his life easier by removing the thorn from his side. The Lord hears his cry and responds by saying no. Paul doesn’t need to be healed. As the thorn remains, God is shown to be bigger then healings and miracles. By keeping the thorn in his flesh, anything Paul does to advance God’s Kingdom is merely God’s Holy Spirit using Paul’s weakness to His advantage.

In his first letter to the Corinthians Paul wrote:

“…God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.”

Yet in his next letter to the Corinthian church, Paul is boasting about his weaknesses. This is an act of God’s grace. The fact that people are praising God in lieu of Paul’s weaknesses gives testimony to God’s power. No one can say that they are the only reason Paul’s ministry is thriving. Paul’s weakness is so debilitating that the ministry would suffer if he didn’t depend on God to give him his daily needs. This is why he boasts in his weaknesses. For when he is weak, God is strong. Without the thorn, Paul would rely on his own strength to see the ministry to survive. Giving him this thorn keeps Paul humbled. By solely relying on God’s strength, He gets all the credit. When someone praises Paul for his success in ministry, all the apostle can do is thank God for being an instrument of God’s grace.

Every day I wake up and realize that God denied my request to walk on my own. Consequently I’m forced to answer this question: what benefit does today’s challenge bring me? Most often the answer is humility and encouragement to those around me. When people see what I go through in a day they are humbled. Putting on socks is an example of little things that most people take for granted. Because of my disability I struggle with this task. Four or five attempts later, those socks are warming my toes. When people watch me do it with a smile, they are blown away. I’m not frustrated or beating myself up because I can’t do it or is so hard. It puts them in a place of humility.

In this example, all I’m doing is putting on a pair of socks. But some people see God in what I do. People see me struggle yet I’m not depressed or getting sad about it. I have joy! I’ve been told on countless occasions people are inspired by the joy in my heart and the smile on my face. Jesus gave me that smile. As I wake each morning, I receive the grace I need to face my challenges head on. Bringing glory to God in the midst of my weakness; praising God for His grace that is sufficient.

Earlier I shared about answering the question: what benefit does today’s challenge bring me? Think about some of your own challenges for a moment. What might some of them be? How might this approach to the challenges you face change your attitude about it? How does it help you see God in the situation?

Woohoo!

Here is another article from the Inglewood newsletter. This one is simply called Woohoo! It’s about the benefits of another person's company. Have a read below or download the entire newsletter here.

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One of my neighbors likes to fiddle by doing odd jobs around the house. The tasks are minor things like organizing stacks of paper, making grocery lists or cleaning silverware. Whenever I visit her, she like to serve me coffee. Watching her grab the cup, lift the pot, and pour the drink, she squints. Arthritis grips her bones and makes simple movements like this a daily challenge. Seeing her struggle to serve me I offer to help and usually get shunned away. I’m told to stay seated and relax.

Puttering around the house, inviting people over for coffee and tea allows her to keep busy and take her mind off the difficulty arthritis has made her daily life. Doing so lifts her spirits and keeps her mind from travelling down a dark road. No surrender is her attitude. She tells me no matter how bad things get, she’s got to keep a positive attitude. This is best accomplished by keeping busy and getting her mind off how bad things are.

As I work with people with disabilities I have come to learn a big part of what we do is help the person accentuate the things they can do. For example, when working with someone who may be deaf, we don’t ignore them because “they can’t hear us”. Instead we ask their opinions using sign language, because they can still grasp the concepts and participate in the discussion. We may have a poker night with someone who can’t hold cards but they can still play if they lay their cards face down on the table. So in prepping the game table, we would leave extra room for them to lay out their cards. I know for myself there are a number of places I go that don’t have a ramp for my wheelchair, so I leave my chair at home because I can go up and down stairs using crutches.

I have a neighbor who often tells me that I’m often the light of his day – an answer to his prayers! His day is filled with doctor visits, appointments with social workers, and trips too and from the hospital. He delights in any chance to turn on his coffee pot, open his door and invite people in. It’s a change from the some times mundane and predictable routine of his life. It also gives his mind a break from dealing with doctor talk. Ask any mother who deals with screaming toddlers twenty-four hours a day. The highlight of their day is when other adults are around. I hear this from single parents all the time: “There is another grown up around! I get to have an adult conversation! No more baby talk! Woohoo!!!” So never under estimate the power of your own company. You just might be the “Woohoo!!!” of someone’s day.